Even when things aren’t perfect or don’t seem to be working out, I choose to trust in life.
Here are some tips to help you deal with life’s challenges, which I hope will enable you to recognise and control common tensions and anxieties. It is my belief that the only way to be able to combat anxiety successfully, is to learn all you can about it and then teach yourself ways of controlling the problems and effects caused by either an anxiety attack or an anxious situation that you find yourself in.
Life Coaching with Hynotherapy can really help with anxieties, together we can get to the root cause and work on soluitions.
These tips are in no particular order and I hope that you will read them all, try them all and then use the ones that you find ‘work for you’:
1. Talk over your worry. Everyone needs to do this at different times in their life. (Choose a friend, relative or professional helper you can trust).
*The magic word here is trust! It is impossible to talk candidly to someone who you feel either does not understand or you don’t trust. If you find someone who you can trust, try to use that trust and friendship to help relieve some of your burdens.* Some Results: You will have relief from strain and be more able to see what you can do about your problem.
2. Escape from your problem – even if only for a while. (Lose yourself for a while in a change of scene or an interest. There is no merit in “Sticking it out” and suffering).
*As I have mentioned before, I use exercise and music to relax. I also read books and surf the internet. All of these things takes me away from stressful situations and help me get my mind back to a state in which I can deal again with life.* Some Results: Afterwards, you will be clearer in your mind and able to come back and tackle your problem.
3. use up anger by physical activity. (Channel your anger into a job that needs doing or take a long walk or even play a game).
*Physical exercise is a great way of removing pent up aggression. Please walk away from a potential flash point. It never solves anything and only intensifies your loss as you lose either friends, family or even both. I know it is difficult but self-discipline is the only real option here.* Some Results: You will “let go” of your anger instead of bottling it up, which causes more tension.
4. Give in to others – occasionally. (This is easier on your nervous system in the long-run and you’re the one who counts. Only children stay obstinate and defiant all the time).
*This is so difficult to do because giving in also implies weakness and submission, both of which are hard things to do. Try this one occasionally and see how you feel! If it is a good feeling then try it again (but not all the time).* Some Results: You will feel a relief from pressure and develop a stronger sense of maturity.
5. Do something for someone else. (Even a smile or a generous word is a good start. Add to this daily).
* It sounds crazy to do this and you can not see how this will benefit you, right? Well only after you have tried it and done it and continued to for some time can you see the benefits here. But they are worth doing. You do feel more fulfilled and can make friends and build relationships as well.*
Some Results: It will help you to feel less isolated with your worry and start to turn your thoughts outwards.
6. Deal with one thing at a time. (Select the urgent tasks first and get on with them. Forget the rest for the time being. Tension and worry makes even an ordinary day seem unbearable. This need not be a permanent state).
*This is a problem I had. When I worked as a chef offshore if I had work I had to do it all and all by myself. I felt I was indispensable and that no-one could cope without me. I never delegated and nearly had a complete breakdown as a result, as well as losing friends and alienating colleagues in the process.*
Some Results: This will help you achieve something and the other tasks will seem easier when you get around to them.
7. Try not to be a perfectionist in everything. (If you expect too much of yourself all of the time, you can create a constant state of worry and anxiety. So decide which things you do well and put your major efforts into these first).
*Oh boy! This was me. Still is if I let it (but I’m not quite such a compulsive perfectionist now). This is hard and I can not tell you how to change. You need to work this one out and fast. This would be my #1 in this list, so work on this. In the long run it really will help.*
Some Results: You will avoid an open invitation to yourself to fail and probably make life easier for yourself – and others.
8. Try not be to critical of others. (Concentrate on other people and your own good points and try to understand and develop them).
Some Results: You will probably feel frustrated and let-down by yourself and others.
9. Develop co-operation with others. Not competition. (Give the other man a chance. If you are no longer a threat to him, he stops being a threat to you).
*This is true but I guess I never looked at things in such a black & white manner?*
Some Results: You will have less emotional or physical tension over reaching goals (real or imaginary).
10. Make yourself available to others – make the first move occasionally. (Neither push too much or withdraw too much. Feelings of rejection and neglect are very painful but are often self-imposed). *Again this is me. Always wanting to please and feeling very rejected when things turn out differently. I get paranoid and think that people are either laughing at me or avoiding me. I guess I withdraw as an automatic protective manner.*
Some Results: At least you will know you’ve made an effort and this will build your confidence.
11. Plan your recreation time. However short. (Allow some time for a hobby or recreation. Un-planned time often becomes wasted time. Make variety part of the planning).
*This links in nicely with some of the other tips. Try and get involved (if you can) with team sports or activities where there are other people around. I know first hand how hard this is (you will feel so much better about yourself if you can) and I am still struggling to do it myself (remember doing is not quite as easy as knowing). This is a very good tip so try it.*
Some Results: You will return to your work or your problem with a fresher outlook.
12. Learn methods of exercise and relaxation then practice them daily. (You are aiming to be in control of your body and learning how to counteract tension and anxiety).
*The best tip of them all. Sometimes though the hardest to do. It is not easy to relax when you are stressed and tense. It is better to try out different methods when you are not so stressed and tense and then use the ones that really help to relax you when you need them most. I use music and sport. It works for me so try it, what have you got to loose?*
Some Results: You will unlock tension in every part of your body and even prevent tension in the future.
If all else fails use my F bubble meditation gets the point across.
Don’t waste energy trying to empty your life of worrying things, when you could be filling your life with wholesome things. You can book a session online here or text/call 07468119635 email derek@ahappymedium.co.uk
It gets everywhere! On television and radio, in shops, newspapers and magazines, on
the internet and even all the outdoor decorations. We can’t escape it. The holidays are coming!
It seems that everyone else has a wonderful family time…..except me? This a common statement from my clients at this time of year.
Is this a fact or opinion?
Perhaps a minority of people are fortunate enough to have a lovely family time. The majority have some good family times mixed
with quite a lot of work, stress and financial burden. Family stresses can be greatly exaggerated and become intolerable over the holiday period when everyone is forced to spend time together, trying to keep things cheerful.
For others, it is a very lonely time. A reminder that we are alone, out of contact with, or without family. If we have friends, then they will probably be spending time with their families and have little spare time for us. Everything seems to be closed on the day itself: shops, libraries, cafes and all other meeting points or places where we might be in contact with others.
So what can we do? How can we get through this time?
Maybe even change things so that we can feel better about it.
If we change the way we think about it, or change what we do – then we will change the way we feel. If we carry on thinking and doing what we’ve always done, then nothing will change and we will have a miserable holiday time.
Use the an alternative cycle to decide how you can make things better.
My alternative cycle:
How can I think differently?
What can I do differently?
How will I feel if I think/act differently?
Get help speak to others, write down lists of what you could do, even volunteer for a charity and spend time helping others.
Use positive self talk I encourage my clients to use Positive statements.
Positive statements encourage us and help us cope through distressing times. We can say these encouraging words to ourselves and be our own personal coach. We have all survived some very distressing times, and we can use those experiences to encourage us through current difficulties. Examples of coping thoughts might be:
Stop, and breathe.
I can do this.
This will pass.
I can be anxious/angry/sad and still deal with this.
I have done this before, and I can do it again.
This feels bad, it’s a normal body reaction – it will pass.
This feels bad, and feelings are very often wrong.
These are just feelings; they will go away.
This won’t last forever.
Short term pain for long term gain.
I can feel bad and still choose to take a new and healthy direction.
I don’t need to rush, I can take things slowly.
I have survived before, I will survive now.
I feel this way because of my past experiences, but I am safe right now.
It’s okay to feel this way, it’s a normal reaction.
Right now, I am not in danger. Right now, I’m safe.
My mind is not always my friend.
Thoughts are just thoughts – they’re not necessarily true or factual.
This is difficult and uncomfortable, but it’s only temporary.
I can use my coping skills and get through this.
I can learn from this and it will be easier next time.
Keep calm and carry on.
Don’t let the Festive season get you down, be proactive if you need help book a session and I will help you plan and set some new goals to achieve a wonderful Christmas.
Many of us spend a lot of time in the pursuit of happiness, striving towards a goal of a better paid job, greater status, or obtaining the latest possession. An unfulfilled life might mean an unhealthy and unhappy life, but that’s not necessarily the case.
However, lack of meaning and purpose can result in anxiety, depression and low self-esteem.
Lack of Purpose.
There have been, and still are, times when terrible events happen to a community or a country, and our lives are shaken to the core.
What really matters at those times?
We hear about the community spirit of the London Blitz, of that shared purpose of coming together and working towards a common goal, helping others and contributing to the “war effort”.
Modern life can lack that community spirit and togetherness, and we can wander aimlessly through the routine of daily life, looking for something we don’t even know we’re missing.
The Pursuit of Happiness
The pursuit of happiness can lead us to feel stressed, frustrated, depressed, anxious.
Happiness is usually about trying to satisfy our wants and needs – looking towards ourselves, an inward-looking focus.
We can learn from the rich and famous that money, fame and possessions often don’t go hand in hand with happiness.
Search for Meaning
Where are you heading?
Would you start out on a year-long journey to an unknown destination?
Or would you ask questions about the journey, and about the destination?
Finding purpose and fulfilment is more about giving, to others, to the community, to the environment, to the world. We often become more outward focused to find meaning and purpose. In giving, in finding purpose, we find fulfilment and satisfaction, but not necessarily happiness…. although it can be a by-product.
Finding purpose gives us exactly that – a purpose to go on in spite of life circumstances.
Viktor Frankl found meaning and purpose even as a Nazi concentration camp prisoner. He noticed that those fellow prisoners lacking a sense of purpose gave up and died more quickly than those with purpose.
Those with purpose were the people more likely to survive – they looked back on their lives with a sense of satisfaction and looked forward to future achievements. Frankl found his purpose in helping his fellow prisoners to find meaning and purpose, even in those extreme conditions of suffering.
For example, the scientist who decided he wanted to finish his book, and the father who desperately wanted to be reunited with his child (safely) overseas.
Frankl found that even in extreme suffering, we can change the way we think about that situation, to give us a sense of purpose.
Find YOUR purpose
In order to find your purpose, try doing and experiencing different things. Find your passion! You will know when you find it, from how you feel, and that sense of fulfilment and deep satisfaction.
Ask yourself what do you really enjoy doing?
What is your passion? What really inspires you? What are you really skilled at?
What do you want to be remembered for? What do you want to be your legacy?
Be open minded and flexible in how you think about things.
Don’t discount anything! We often have several different purposes, or life values.
For example: Being a good wife and mother, being a writer, being a teacher.
Each one can give you that sense of fulfilment.
Meaning and purpose can change over time.
Ask yourself how important certain aspects of your life are. Which of these (or others) are MOST important to you? Score them on a scale of 0 – 5 with 0 being not at all important, and 5 being most important.
You may find that you have several life values or purposes.
You might find it useful to identify the 1 or 2 that are MOST important to you. Those you feel most passionate about. You have found your life’s purpose!
One of the sites I use to help with my Life coaching clients is
www.getselfhelp.co.uk
When I do a life coaching session, I ask you what your life purpose is, goals etc and very often my clients get confused and lose their way in life and this is useful to help you find that purpose or goal.
If you need help, book a life coaching session and let me help you find that happy medium in life.
Derek holds Diplomas in Life Coaching, Mindfulness based Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) advanced, Past life & this life regression, Hypnotherapy, also hold certificates in Reiki spiritual healing, Advanced & Basic counselling. Is fully insured and follows national operational and ethical guidelines with in the laws of the UK.
Derek is often asked to do Motivational & Spiritual Workshops, Psychic shows and events with music from the past present & future.
His motto is ” Enlightening others to succeed through life’s challenges “
This program has been designed from various sources of information gathered by Derek over several years, he uses his skills to assist you in moving forward with your weight loss, using mindfulness, hypnotherapy, counselling, CBT and life coaching skills.
Everyone is different and this is not a diet program, this has been designed to assist you on your weight loss journey.
If you would like more information, please contact Derek McGillivray
www.ahappymedium.co.uk
Tel 07468119635 or email derek@ahappymedium.co.uk
Dereks motto – Enlightening others to success though life challenges.
Welcome to week one of your six-week weight loss program.
Congratulations on taking this first step towards, not only changing and improving your eating habits and relationships with food, but towards creating a life which is vibrant, energetic and fun. Just by being here you have all made a commitment to change so be proud of yourself – well done. We will not be using weighing scales and what I would like all of you to do this week is to decide how you will measure the success of this program. Will it be:
• Fitting back into an item of clothing / going down a size
• Being able to run a certain distance/play squash again/run upstairs without being out puff
• Re-discovering a zest for life/having more energy
• People commenting on how fantastic you look
• Your general health improving/ knowing that you are stacking all the odds in your favor for a long fruitful fulfilled life.
• Looking fantastic for that special event
Whatever measurement you use it will not be achieved overnight; this program is not a quick fix. If we make small changes that we can maintain then over time our final destination will be a very different place.
‘If you always do what you’ve always done, you will always get what you’ve always got’
My reasons for doing this are:
I will measure its success by:
We all tell ourselves a story about why we cannot lose weight – what story do you have to tell?
Which beliefs do you currently have that have brought you to where you are now?
• I am no good at sticking to anything!
• It is not worth starting anything there are too many social events coming up!
• I always fail at whatever I try!
• My family are all big people and I am just like them!
• I do not deserve to be happier/thinner/fitter!
• I am not really that big!
• I do not care what anyone else thinks!
• I have so much weight to lose, I will never hit my target – so what’s the point!
• I have no willpower!
• I have a low metabolism so I just can’t lose weight!
• I can’t lose weight as I love food too much!
Some of your beliefs and stories will have been told to you as a child, some will be excuses and some will be pay offs. These are known as ‘limiting beliefs’ and one thing is for sure they will be holding you back.
The good news is that we are in control of what we think and believe; therefore, we have the ability to change what we think and believe! Our brain can be compared to a computer that runs software packages, we are able to rewrite the software or completely change the package.
The types of beliefs and thoughts that might serve you better are:
• I am good at seeing things through! • I am determined and always succeed! • I am different to my family! • I deserve anything I want in my life! • I am happy to part with things that are no longer beneficial to me! • People tell me how good I look, and I love it! • My metabolism is not different to anyone else’s! • My willpower is as good as or even better than others! • If I lose weight, I will feel fitter, healthier and sexier! • I can still lose weight and love eating healthy food!
Time to re-adjust my focus Schedule Appointment
We have all been brought up not to lose things or that to lose something is bad:
• If we lose possessions, we are stupid or irresponsible. • If we lose loved ones it hurts forever. • If we lose in business or a competition, we are failures.
Why then would we want to focus on losing something, for example – weight, which we know to be negative and then hope to succeed? Our ability to make something happen by focusing on it is a very powerful tool that we can all utilize.
Some of us will have spent years thinking about food and weight – what we can eat, what we cannot eat, when we should eat and when we should not eat. What we should weigh, how overweight we are. Is it any wonder we spend so much of our day focusing on these things?
How do we shift our focus?
By dismissing some of what we have been focusing on we have now created some space. We can now choose what to fill that space with and focus on new things.
Goals
‘Goals are simply dreams with dates’
Do you set yourself goals?
It is essential to set goals as they give us something new to focus on. Writing them down is also important, as in doing so we are far more likely to achieve them.
• If you set goals are, they weight related?
• What other goals could you set?
• Are your goals negative or positive goals?
Set yourself a small goal that you will achieve this week. Start thinking about setting yourself some personal goals. We will be working on them over the next few weeks. Please put together at least a draft format this week.
To create the best goals ever all your goals should be SMART goals. Specific – remember to include every little detail Measurable – how are you going to know you have achieved your goal Achievable – are there any obstacles in your way Realistic – are they possible Timed – when will you achieve this goal
You should be associated with your goal (seeing it through your own eyes) as opposed to disassociated with it (seeing yourself in the picture).
• Goals move you forward. • Short- and medium-term goals are great stepping-stones towards your longer-term ones. • Writing down your goals increases your chances of achieving them. • When you imagine achieving your goals your eyes should light up and you should feel positive.
Coaching Challenge for Week One
• What stories and beliefs do you currently have? • Which stories and beliefs would serve you better? • Which one word do you want to use, from now on, to describe your life?
Would it be: –
Vibrant Energetic Enthusiastic Serene
Fulfilled Passionate Peaceful Harmonious
Or do you have a different positive word?
• How would your life be if you upheld YOUR word in everything you did? • What would you have to change in order to do this? • How would you be different? • What else would be different? • What could hold you back from upholding YOUR word in your life?
Next, list 11 words that you associate with your word. You can do this on paper, in a book or open a file on your computer for all your notes on this program.
Now you should have a list of 12 words including YOUR word. For each word write two actions that you can do immediately, which will bring this word to life.
For example:
If the word was smile, things you could do that would make you smile might be:
• Pick up the phone and call someone who you know will make you smile • Get out some old photos or love letters that will bring on that smile.
If the word was energetic, things you could do that are energetic might be:
• Get yourself a skipping rope and skip on the spot. • Take a dog for a brisk walk around the block.
You will end up with 12 words associated with YOUR word and 24 actions to create the essence of that word. You will add to and use these next week. Schedule Appointment
Myths and Facts
‘Unlearn before you start to learn’
Before you start this program, it is essential that we clear some of the confusion around eating and exercise.
Over the past 3 decades the ‘slimming’ industry has become well and truly established. It is a multimillion-pound business thriving on people’s desire to weigh less, look thinner and in a few cases improve their health.
Similarly, we have seen a dramatic increase in the numbers of gyms and fitness centers appearing, closely followed by a boom in the ‘personal training’ market.
But there is a big difference between what the ‘dieting and slimming Industry’ tries to sell you and ‘healthy eating and healthy living’. Take a moment and think of any industry that thrives on people’s failure. If any of the products or diets were successful, then why do people keep coming back to try other diets and different products. The reason is simple! The whole industry is based on myths and this is what we want to dispel and get out of the way.
‘Do diets really work?’
• MYTH – If you reduce your calorie intake to approx. 1200 per day, which is recommended on most ‘diets’, you will lose weight.
• FACT – Low calorie dieting is neither sustainable nor healthy. You may lose weight initially, but then you will plateau, become hungry and eventually put the weight back on. This is because once you reduce your food intake to such a low calorific amount your body no longer relies on YOU to give it a regular, sustainable supply of food and so goes into ‘Starvation’ mode. Whatever you eat from now on gets stored for EMERGENCY supplies rather than being naturally released. And, what’s more, until you body regains confidence in you, it will make what it believes are survival decisions all by itself – to do what it thinks is the right thing – namely to keep you well stocked with energy…… so it becomes very difficult to lose weight long term.
‘You are what you eat’
• MYTH – No matter what I eat, I still put on weight, so I have to cut down on everything.
• FACT – Your body is entirely composed of molecules derived from the food you eat. Newborn babies are the direct result of what their mother ate and indirectly, through genetic material, what their father, grandparents, great grandparents (and so on) ate. From the moment you are born every mouthful of milk you take makes you live and grow. The food we eat is broken down through digestion and absorbed into our blood stream or eliminated in our waste. These chemicals are then used to make our muscles move our body, enable our brains to think and control our body and even allow our reproductive system to start new life. Our whole bodies are built and work because of the food we eat. Literally, you are what you eat!
Inside our bodies we don’t look exactly like the pictures in medical textbook. Like our outward features, our internal organs are all different. We all have different shaped and sized hearts, livers, kidneys and brains. We all have different amounts of chemicals such as enzymes and hormones. We all require different amounts of nutrients. You may need twice the amount of vitamin C to prevent illness than the person next to you, or perhaps hall the amount of vitamin A. The fact is you are unique.
So rather than harboring a bad belief around food which keeps you always looking to cut down, you could cultivate a new approach where you see food as your friend and life giver. As the sessions progresses you’ll see that it is a series of subtle changes to your overall diet and lifestyle – without reductions – that matter most in the long term.
‘Calories or Portions ?
• MYTH – I have to count calories in order to lose weight. • FACT – It is important to be aware of how many portions you are eating rather than the calories in them. A portion, for these purposes, is an amount of food roughly the size of your clenched fist. This is a much simpler and therefore more sustainable way of monitoring what you are eating. You can make a note of how many portions of the different food group you want to eat per day and then stick to it. It is quick and easy and can be done anywhere.
• In a nutshell, you need to treat your body with TLC – you NEED calories/energy to not only survive but to feel positive, happy and ALIVE! Just choose portions and really healthy foods and leave the numbers behind.
‘I have no will power to stop eating’
• MYTH – Overeating is a natural instinct, inherited or even genetic. • FACT – Evolution has let us down here, well coupled with the abundance of food in the western world. Back in the old days, I mean the very old days, when cavemen were hunter gathers and had to hunt their food. It was not unusual to consume vast amounts of food at one time in order to carry you over till the next feast. Our bodies soon learnt to store any excess energy (from the food) as fat until required. Our bodies still store excess fat. The problem is that we no longer have to go more than a few hours without eating so there is an enormous amount of excess energy, which gets stored as fat.
So, although we may have once favored over-eating it is not now needed and we can CHOOSE to eat when our bodies really want or need it.
• MYTH – Three square meals is the best way to eat. • FACT – Eating 3 meals per day or grazing are both absolutely fine. If you’ve always eaten 3 x per day and it suits you, then stick to that and visa versa for grazing. Don’t fight your patterns, instead go with your natural flow. The big question isn’t ‘Which is the best eating option’? It’s ‘WHAT it is you are eating’?
‘I exercise, why should I worry about what I eat?
• MYTH – If you exercise it doesn’t matter what you eat.
• FACT – If you exercise it matters even more what you eat. If you are physically active you will need more nutrients than the ‘couch potato’, without them you will not get the results you desire. You need nutrients in your system in order to perform at an effective level as well as to recover from the exercise. If you do not have a good level of nutrients the exercise will be less effective, you may feel worse for it and you are very likely to throw in the towel and claim that ‘exercise doesn’t work for me!’
‘Women and weightlifting – should we?
• MYTH – Women who lift weights gain too much muscle. • FACT – Resistance work helps create lean toned bodies for women. Ask any body builder how much commitment and hard work it takes to build muscle and you will feel happier that 2 or 3 sessions a week of resistance or weight training will not cause you to ‘bulk up’. Quite the contrary, fat takes up 5 times the space than muscle on your body. Besides, body builders train at very different levels and with different techniques, which are not available to the general public. Therefore, if you were to reduce the amount of fat on your body and build up the amount of muscle you would actually look thinner, leaner and more toned.
Women should be more worried about not having enough muscle rather than having too much. Weightlifting or any weight baring exercise is absolutely vital for women. It is the only way to offset osteoporosis, the sooner you start the better. This way you have more time to build bone density. A good rule of thumb for any resistance training is pick lighter weights and higher repetition. For example, choose a weight that will allow you to repeat the movement between 10 -15 times in one go.
‘Too much exercise can prevent results’
• MYTH – Exercise as long and as often as you can. This way you get more results. • FACT – The most effective workouts are short, intense and very effective. It is important when exercising to stimulate the muscles to burn fat as efficiently as possible. Too much exercise can become boring, too time consuming and anti-social, our minds then switch off and we struggle to do anything at all. Short bursts can give you excellent results, clear the mind and allow you to focus on short-term goals. Ideally, you want to exercise for 20-30 minutes three times per week (and this can include a brisk walk with the dog) and you want to feel that you’ve done some work but that you are not dying on your feet. Ultimately it is consistency that beats intensity every time. For
example, regularly exercising 2-3 times per week at a moderate intensity (explained later) for six months is by far better than intense but sporadic training here and there.
‘Aerobics or Weights?’ • MYTH – Aerobics is better for shaping up than weights.
• FACT – To transform your shape you must train with weights. Any physical activity is far better for you than sitting in an office all day and flopping down in front of a TV all night but to tone up and change shape you have to include some resistance/weight training. Another big benefit of weight training is that it increases your metabolic rate, the rate at which your body burns fat. Muscle requires a supply of energy (calories) in order to exist, fat on the other hand requires no energy at all. Therefore the more muscle you have the more energy will be used (calories burnt), even when you are asleep. Aerobic exercise alone will help you to initially lose weight but not to change shape and look slender and toned. With only aerobics you won’t be able to sustain the benefits, very much like dieting. A combination of aerobic exercise and weight training is the most sustainable and by far the healthiest way of life.
Finally, food not only helps keep you alive but when you consciously move towards healthier choices, food can clear your complexion, give you extra energy, lift your spirits and mood, make your day, help you sleep and de-stress your internal body. So, there is a lot to be gained from learning to love your food again as it can literally change your world.
Now that we have cleared up some of the most popular Myths and Facts you will be able to use the information in the following weeks more efficiently, effectively and see some fantastic results.
Heart & Soul
Many people will walk in and out of your life.
But only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.
To handle yourself, use your head. To handle others, use your heart.
In today’s world many things are measured by the speed in which we can perform and deliver them. The expectations upon us grow by the day from employers, employees, partners, children, friends and family. Our lives are so busy with the tasks at hand, our minds so full of the next requirement upon us; we seldom give ourselves any of our own time. It is all to easy to find ourselves without clarity, direction and space as we go from symptom to symptom, reacting to life and allowing ourselves to be taken where life leads us. Schedule Appointment
This section is intended to slow you down, chill you out, incorporate a little fun into your life and make you feel great. When you build some ME time into your life you will find it easier to focus on the really important things, you will be proactive and be able to deal with the cause of an issue and above all you will be back in the driving seat and taking control of your journey.
• Do something each day this week that will show up YOUR word at its best.
• Buy yourself a magazine, take the phone off the hook, put your feet up and read it.
• Imagine that one of the articles held the secret to changing your life for the better, in fact learning to take time out can do that for you.
• Who is the smiliest/happiest person you know – think of them when your smile starts to fade. How would they deal with this situation?
• Send someone special a card to let them know you care.
• Add three drops of lavender to a cup of mineral water and spray it from an atomizer when you need to feel relaxed.
• Only say yes when you really mean it
• Be as forgiving of yourself as you are of other people.
Have a great week, have loads of fun and go make some changes.
Top Tips for Week One
Simple Ways to include Fruit & Vegetable’s each day Ideas for fruit:
• Make yourself a tropical fruit salad all the family can enjoy.
• Have a bowl of strawberries, blueberries and raspberries for breakfast. Add some natural or fruit yoghurt and muesli.
• Try a fruit you’ve never tried before.
• Carry a banana or apple in your bag in case you get hungry when you’re out.
• Have a bowl of fruit in your office.
• Add grapes or orange to a green salad.
• Try eating a different fruit every day of the week.
• Have a glass of juice for breakfast.
• Keep a stock of frozen or tinned fruit (in juice, not syrup)
• If you always get hungry at the same time (e.g. mid-morning), schedule in a snack of dried or fresh fruit.
• Whiz up a smoothie in a blender. Try strawberries, banana and yoghurt with low fat milk.
Ideas for vegetables:
• Go for color. Have as many different colored vegetables in one week as you can.
• Snack on raw vegetables such as carrots, celery, peppers and cucumber.
• Order a side salad every time you eat out but beware the dressing.
• Buy a vegetarian cookbook and try vegetarian meals once or twice a week.
• Make salads interesting. Use crunchy raw vegetables or unusual herbs.
• If you have pizza or pasta, try ones loaded with vegetable and extra tomato sauce.
• Always add salad to sandwiches.
• Don’t forget vegetable soups -homemade or bought.
• Keep the freezer full of frozen vegetables so you always have some in stock.
• Eat broccoli and carrots – they are amazingly full of nutrients.
• Experiment with vegetables you’ve never tried.
• Have an extra portion of vegetables instead of potatoes.
It always surprises me that practically every client relates to this tool in some way!
Tool:
Do you feel stressed and harassed during the day, like you’re always doing things to please others rather than yourself?
Do you have problems making decisions about insignificant matters?
Are you unsure about what it is you really want?
Do you find yourself doing things you really don’t want to do and continually acting out of obligation?
Part of being an adult is learning to put the needs of others, such as our children or employer, ahead of ourselves. But we can become so used to doing what we feel we should do, or living by the expectations of others that we lose touch with ourselves.
If we stop listening to our hearts voice, eventually we won’t recognize it. Then we wonder why our life is so dry and un-spontaneous!
We need to re-open the conversation with our heart – to remember how to listen to our heart and not just our head.
Here’s how to recognize your hearts voice:
When you’re feeling stressed or that you feel you have lost your center, ask yourself two questions,
1. “What am I feeling now?”
2. “I would like … ?”
Try to listen to the first thought– which will be from your heart –– not your head which comes in with chatter and rationalizing afterwards.
If the message from your heart is possible and practical – then do it– take a break, call a friend, pop out for a coffee, jump up from your desk and shout “Yes!”.
If this impulse is not realistic– like quitting your job – just note your hearts message until its convenient to follow through, but be careful – this habit is life changing!
Why not try following your heart and doing one spontaneous thing every day?
And … if you really want to be immature and have fun in a boring, “grown up” situation, ask yourself:
These notes are only guidelines to aid you on your own Spiritual Path, and as with all spiritual work, it is often about finding your own Truth. If you disagree or feel uncomfortable with anything that is suggested here by all means find an alternative Truth that is acceptable to you.
Grounding/Earthen is all about the awareness that we are still in a physical body as well as endeavouring to become spiritual workers and beings.
Why is it so important that we ground/ earth ourselves?
Below you will find a few ways in which being grounded can make such a difference to our everyday life:
• Brings life into matter and to be able to bring our healing abilities into the physical.
• Increases balance and stability in our physical and emotional state.
• Helps bring acceptance that we are here to fulfil a purpose.
• Brings strength.
• Helps in creating a bridge between Spirit and matter.
• Provides an outlet making the release [of energy] easier.
• Allows the attainment of higher Spiritual levels.
As a healer it is very important to keep your patient grounded.
Create waves of love today even when your faced with negativity because of what you do, always send love instead of hate, two wrongs never work, as the saying not knowing is not understanding and not understanding is not knowing. Just be yourself and respect the fact that not everyone understands you. Forgive and send twice as much love as they need it to calm their hate or fears which are false anyway. The truth is we are all created from love and if we shine that love bright it will go where it’s needed!
Below is a list of some of the more common symptoms of being ungrounded. Usually each individual will encounter the same one or two symptoms each time they are ungrounded. ·
• Dizziness
• Daydreaming
• A feeling of being “spaced out”.
• Feeling sick.
• Heart palpitations.
• Eyes flickering.
• Weight gain.
• Clumsiness.
• Static shocks.
• Falling asleep when meditating.
• Noise and light sensitive.
• Forgetful.
• Having brilliant ideas that never happen
• Arguing and unable to get your point across.
[ Please note that many of these symptoms can also be linked to the physical]
This information is for you to use if you are meditating, either on your own, or within a group. It is important to understand, that when you are working in the Alpha state, your defences are down in order to receive information from the Higher Self, your Guardian Angel, Guides or helpers.
Whilst we are working in this level, we need an escape route that we can use, if there is an emergency such as a fire, or flood, or anything electrical. The sound of a telephone, or a doorbell, or any sudden loud noise, can cause an immense problem within the solar plexus area, so you will need to know how to deal with any eventuality that may arise.This, of course, is the reason that many mediums will tell you that it is not really a good thing to meditate on your own, unless you are strong enough to deal with shock during meditation.
Also there is the possibility of slipping into trance, and being unable to bring yourself back, but rest assured on this one, that as long as you give yourself instructions to come back after a specified length of time, you will fall into a natural sleep, and awaken normally.
Therefore, I will endeavour to give you some examples of how you can help yourself, so that you will not have to experience this painful discomfort. Obviously, you will have to experiment, to find out which escape route that can be used to your best advantage, or, if none of the following can help, please try an idea, or something of your own that you can feel comfortable with.
1. Just look around behind you, for the lift door, get in and go straight up, knowing that this is a special lift, that heals and awakens you as you go up to the surface. Then be ready immediately to deal with the emergency.
2. Take hold of your Guardian Angel’s hand, and just fly up to the surface. Knowing and trusting that they will do all that is necessary to protect you, and be ready to face whatever emergency is to hand.
3. Bring your bubble of protection around you, and hold it tight, as you lift yourself to the surface, keeping your protection around you, until you become aware, and can deal with whatever is going on.
4. Trust in the Divine Power to protect you, and just float lo the surface, ready to attend to whatever needs to be done. [ this is the one! use for myself]
When I have done a lot of private sessions I find going for a walk and connecting to nature can help to ground myself. the video I made in Skye when in Portree is a good example of this, I also find music can help me to unwind and feel more grounded.
N.B. The best colour to use you choose, is the colour yellow. This is colour brings the energy that your solar plexus needs in times of emergency, otherwise its resources can be depleted, and you can find yourself tired for a day or two afterwards.
These notes are only guidelines to aid you on your own spiritual path, and as with all spiritual work it is often about finding your own Truth. If you disagree or feel uncomfortable with anything that is suggested here, by all means find an alternative Truth, that is acceptable to you.
What is Protection, and why do we need it?
As Human Beings we are all placed on this earth in a physical body. Many of us may choose to do the work of Spirit and therefore become aware that there is much more to life than just a physical body.
As we become in tune with ourselves and those around us we realise that everything and everything is made up of energy.
I am sure that we all have been aware of standing in a queue and feeling uncomfortable as someone steps into our space.
This is them (Sprit) invading our aura [energy field], and if our energy field is unprotected we will pick up on any energy that they may be giving out.
This energy can be both positive and negative, and it is important for us to learn that we can pick up and take on board this energy, especially as we start to develop our intuition and spiritual awareness.
We become more sensitive to the energies that constantly surround us, and then it becomes important to know what we should do, to avoid becoming susceptible to any negativity that we may encounter. The more spiritually aware and intuitive we are, the more sensitive we become, to all the energies around us.
We especially need to be aware, of protecting our energy fields when dealing with other people, as a healer/medium or clairvoyant for example. We need to make sure that we don’t take on any unnecessary emotions/problems that the client may have brought with them.
Being unprotected normally manifests itself within the emotional and spiritual bodies. Below is a list of some symptoms you may feel if your energy field is unprotected.
• Irritable/losing your temper.
• Drained.
• Nightmares.
• Easily influenced by others.
• Threatened/defensive. •
• Fanatical about someone.
• Feeling other people’s emotions/pain
• Bumping into people.
• Copying or living your life through others.
• On a physical level you can feel pain in the back of your neck, solar plexus [pit of stomach], or wrists.
So how do I build up my protection?
You can build up and protect your own energy in a number of ways. Here are a few easy examples to follow.
• Keep fit and well.
• ·Drink lots of water.
• Wear protective colours -for example gold, silver, violet or blue.
• Wear or carry crystals with a protective quality – for example Amethyst, Lapis Lazuli, Sugilite, Laramar, Gold Tiger’s eye, and Hawks Eye [blue Tigers Eye] Black tourmaline, Hematite for psychic protection.
Wear or use protective symbols -for example The Egyptian Ankh, Rune symbol, Star of David [six-pointed star], Circle, Egg, Pentagram [five-pointed star], especially for Wiccans/Pagans, Pyramid or Cross, Symbols are very personal things, so only wear or carry what feels right for you and what you are comfortable with.
Visualisation – for example, a good exercise is to imagine you are sitting in an egg of light. The base of the egg is sitting just below the floor [so you are grounded] and you are surrounded in your egg by a lovely protective colour [gold, silver, violet or blue]. You can make sure that your egg-shell is solid so that no negative energy can penetrate it. Any negative thoughts/emotions that you may have will not get out, and no negative thoughts/emotions from others will be allowed in. In turn each negative energy or thought pattern will hit the egg-shell and slide down it into the ground to be transmuted into positive energy.
I use crystals and one of the best ones I feel is Black Tourmaline.
Black Tourmaline crystal is a powerful stone for protection against negative energy of all kinds, as well as being a strong spiritual grounding stone.
This is one of the most popular crystals to be used for metaphysical purposes. Many people, and I am amongst this group, believe this is the best protection stone that you can use.
Also known as Schorl, it encourages positive attitudes, good luck and happiness, regardless of the circumstances that you find yourself in.
They are wonderful aids to both the professional healer and the average person who wants a stone that will be a positive force for good in your life, as it creates a positive attitude and mindset.
5. Do something for someone else. (Even a smile or a generous word is a good start. Add to this daily).
It seems that everyone else has a wonderful family time…..except me? This a common statement from my clients at this time of year.
Use the an alternative cycle to decide how you can make things better.
I can do this.
The pursuit of happiness can lead us to feel stressed, frustrated, depressed, anxious.
Viktor Frankl found meaning and purpose even as a Nazi concentration camp prisoner. He noticed that those fellow prisoners lacking a sense of purpose gave up and died more quickly than those with purpose.
Be open minded and flexible in how you think about things.
When I do a life coaching session, I ask you what your life purpose is, goals etc and very often my clients get confused and lose their way in life and this is useful to help you find that purpose or goal.
This program has been designed from various sources of information gathered by Derek over several years, he uses his skills to assist you in moving forward with your weight loss, using mindfulness, hypnotherapy, counselling, CBT and life coaching skills.
• Fitting back into an item of clothing / going down a size
• I am no good at sticking to anything!
Why then would we want to focus on losing something, for example – weight, which we know to be negative and then hope to succeed?
Set yourself a small goal that you will achieve this week. Start thinking about setting yourself some personal goals. We will be working on them over the next few weeks. Please put together at least a draft format this week.
Vibrant Energetic Enthusiastic Serene
Before you start this program, it is essential that we clear some of the confusion around eating and exercise.
‘You are what you eat’
‘I have no will power to stop eating’
‘Women and weightlifting – should we?
Many people will walk in and out of your life.
• Make yourself a tropical fruit salad all the family can enjoy.
If the message from your heart is possible and practical – then 
Why is it so important that we ground/ earth ourselves?
• Dizziness
Whilst we are working in this level, we need an escape route that we can use, if there is an emergency such as a fire, or flood, or anything electrical. The sound of a telephone, or a doorbell, or any sudden loud noise, can cause an immense problem within the solar plexus area, so you will need to know how to deal with any eventuality that may arise. This, of course, is the reason that many mediums will tell you that it is not really a good thing to meditate on your own, unless you are strong enough to deal with shock during meditation.
• Irritable/losing your temper.
