Soul Midwifery – Bringing Compassion, Choice and Healing to the End of Life

Death is something that comes to us all, yet it is probably one of the subjects we find hardest to talk about.

When Soul Midwifery was first mentioned to me, I wasn't entirely sure what it was. It was actually my Reiki Master and my wife Angela who encouraged me to explore the training.

At first I thought, Soul Midwifery? What's that all about?

Then I realised it was about death.

Or, perhaps more accurately from my own spiritual perspective, transition and rebirth.

Changing the Way I Look at Death

As a medium, I believe that our existence continues after physical death. Through my work with past-life regression, I have also spent many years exploring ideas around previous lives, consciousness and what may come next.

Yet despite those beliefs, I realised through my Soul Midwifery training that I still had some of my own fears and perceptions surrounding death.

Perhaps many of us do.

From childhood onwards, our understanding of death can be influenced by family, school, religion, institutions and society. Often, we simply don't talk about it.

But avoiding the conversation doesn't prevent death.

Talking about it can sometimes make it less frightening.

My Own Experiences With Funerals and Grief

I'm a fully trained civil celebrant and have conducted weddings and funerals, but funerals have sometimes been particularly difficult for me because I'm naturally very sensitive to the emotions of others.

One of the first funerals I conducted followed a suicide.

It was extremely emotional and brought some of my own experiences and feelings surrounding suicide and loss back to the surface.

Another particularly personal service was for my uncle, someone I'd spent a great deal of time with in Canada. Conducting the funeral of somebody you knew and loved brings a completely different dimension to being a celebrant.

Those experiences affected me more than I initially realised, and for a period I stepped away from funeral work.

Soul Midwifery helped me revisit some of those feelings and look at death differently.

It gave me greater confidence not only in supporting families after somebody has died, but also in supporting the person who is approaching the end of their life.

What Is Soul Midwifery?

For me, Soul Midwifery is about compassionate, non-medical support for somebody who is dying.

It is about listening.

It is about dignity.

It is about respecting someone's choices.

And sometimes it is about making sure that the person at the centre of everything actually gets heard.

When somebody receives a terminal or life-limiting diagnosis, understandably there can be enormous attention placed on treatments, appointments and practical arrangements.

There can also be fear, uncertainty and difficult conversations within families.

Alongside the vital work of doctors, nurses, palliative-care professionals and organisations providing end-of-life care, some people may also value additional emotional, holistic or spiritual support.

That is where I believe my experience can help.

It's About the Person – Not What Everyone Else Wants

One of the most important lessons I've taken from this work is very simple:

The person who is dying should remain at the heart of their own journey.

Families naturally want what they believe is best for someone they love. But occasionally what the family wants and what the individual wants may be different.

They may have things they want to say.

They may have fears they haven't discussed.

They may want spiritual support — or they may not.

They may have particular wishes about their care, their funeral or how they want their remaining time to look.

Sometimes what somebody needs most is a confidential person who will simply sit, listen and allow them to speak their truth.

I can be that listener, supporter and, where appropriate, their voice and champion.

Bringing Together Different Parts of My Work

Soul Midwifery has also helped me recognise how many of the skills I've developed over the years can complement this work.

I am a Reiki Master and healer, medium, hypnotherapist, life coach and trained celebrant. I've spent many years helping people through change, fear, grief, emotional challenges and spiritual questions.

Not everybody approaching death will want spiritual or complementary support, and that's absolutely fine.

For those who do, techniques involving relaxation, meditation, Reiki or energy work, conversation, reflection and other gentle holistic approaches may provide comfort alongside their professional medical and palliative care.

Sometimes the greatest thing we can offer isn't a technique at all.

It's simply our presence.

Mediumship as Part of Healing

Mediumship has always been a healing process for me.

When I demonstrate mediumship or work privately with somebody, my intention is to bring forward loving and positive communication.

Sometimes information comes as words. Sometimes it's an image, a feeling, a memory or even a smell. I pass on what I receive and allow the recipient to understand its significance.

The validations can sometimes be incredibly touching.

I don't claim to have all the answers. I see myself as the middle person — which, after all, is where the word medium comes from.

For someone who shares a belief in an afterlife, that perspective may also provide comfort when facing their own mortality or grieving someone they love.

Supporting Families Too

Although the wishes and wellbeing of the person approaching death remain central, families can also need considerable support.

Grief can begin long before somebody dies.

There may be practical questions, difficult conversations, uncertainty about someone's wishes and emotions that family members don't know how to express.

My celebrant experience can also help people think about wishes surrounding their eventual funeral or celebration of life and the things they would like their family to know.

Where something falls outside my professional role, I believe strongly in working alongside and referring people to the appropriate medical, palliative-care, counselling, legal or other professional services.

Nobody should have to navigate this alone.

A Conversation We Shouldn't Be Afraid to Have

I know this isn't an easy subject.

I don't particularly want to die yet either!

But completing my Soul Midwifery training has helped me become much more comfortable talking about death, dying and what a good end of life might mean to an individual.

None of us knows exactly how long we have.

Perhaps that is another reason to make every day count.

If you or somebody close to you is living with a life-limiting or terminal diagnosis and you feel that compassionate, holistic or spiritual support could help, please get in touch for a confidential conversation.

Every situation is different, so any support would be discussed and tailored around the individual, their beliefs, their wishes and their needs.

Above all, this work is about compassion, dignity, choice and being heard.

Derek McGillivray – A Happy Medium
Soul Midwifery • Reiki Master • Medium • Celebrant • Coach

Enlightening others to succeed through life's challenges.

Soul Midwifery and complementary therapies are intended to provide emotional, spiritual and holistic support. They do not replace medical treatment, palliative care, counselling, legal advice or other appropriate professional services.